I Updated my Passport for this  ......

So, I'm just back from a long weekend in Ottawa and I am shocked and appalled at what a cranky and miserable traveller I was!

Granted, the stinking hot temperatures and life-sucking humid wasn't Tourism Ottawa's fault.

And judging by the length of the lines and the enthusiasm of the crowds, the fact that I was underwhelmed by the Medieval Armour and Impressionists exhibits at the War Museum and National Gallery respectively, may actually have been my fault.

And I suppose it's really not fair to state categorically that Buskerfest was boring since I really only watched a total of four partial performances.  The aforementioned stinking heat and killer humid combined with the noisy, interminable construction on Sparks Street may have had a little something to do with my crankiness.

And I know that it only seemed like all of the Neanderthals were out on a day pass the same day I walked across the river to the Museum of History in Hull.

What was my fault, though, was all the moaning and complaining I did to any and all of the voices in my head that would listen!

Have I become one of "those" old fogey retired travellers?

The ones for whom it is either too cold or too hot, who complain there is no sweetener for the coffee, and they have a nerve calling this coffee, and the shower controls are stupid and why isn't the electricity normal, and if I wanted to sit in traffic all day I would have stayed home, and it was all your mother's idea anyway.

We all know one.  That relative or "the one" in the tour group that you would really like to ditch at the next corner but a conscience and good up-bringing forbids.

..... so, hands up, everyone else who put "travel" on their retirement to do list.

New retirement rule.

You only get to put "travel" on your list if you are planning to expand your horizons, to learn something new and exciting about the world and yourself.  Only if you are planning to actually enjoy yourself.

You only get to put "travel" on your list if you are planning to run the young 'un tour guide ragged, if you are going to try at least one new dish, and go to at least one museum.

You don't get to put "travel" on your list if you are only going to complain about that god-forsaken job you just retired from, your hip replacement, the weather, or if you are just going to stand in front of spectacular medieval architecture and answer texts.

As for me - attitude noted; attitude adjusted.

A fit travel companion once again!

(I'd better be, because very soon, there are going to be three of us trapped in a car on a road trip to the east coast!)

Ch-Ching!

So, it's Saturday morning and you're out and about early running errands.  The last item on your list is to return the moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza you picked up last week - it's too moss-covered and the wrong size to boot.

You locate the customer service desk - and your heart just sinks.  The line-up is long, yes, but currently standing at the service desk is some old-fogey senior monopolizing all the clerk's time and attention.

And you just know that that old-fogey senior has already been monopolizing the clerk's time and attention for absolutely hours and will continue to do so for hours more.

The only thing you can do is mutter R-rated things under your breathe and wonder why this old-fogey senior can't do whatever it is they're doing during the week. 

Since they're an old-fogey senior, they're probably retired and therefore have all the time in the world during the week to take care of their customer service needs.

I feel your pain, 'cause I was once one of those harried, hurried shoppers standing in the customer service line on Saturday morning wondering the same thing. 

But now that I've joined the ranks of the gainfully unemployed, I totally get it!

I totally get why all old-fogey seniors terrorize customer service clerks on a Saturday morning in particular, or on any other day of the week in general.

Because we can!

And I admit it - I am now one of those old-fogey seniors standing at a customer service desk right now, monopolizing all of the clerk's time and attention!

And I find myself standing at customer service desks with alarming frequency now!

But in my defense, I'm not complaining that the fluorescent lights in the food court are too bright, or that I tripped in parking lot because the white lines are too high, or that by the time that I got home, the ginger ale in the bottle was flat. 

I often find myself at customer service desks complaining about the lack of customer service on the sales floor, lack of product on shelves (has anyone else noticed, for instance, that WalMart's shelves are as lacking in product as Target's shelves were?).
 
And when I am standing at various customer services desks monopolizing all of the clerks time and attention I try to make a point of mentioning the lack of services and products available for my/our demographic group (for me, that demographic used to be 55+, now it's 60+.) 
 
If we are to believe Forbes magazine, BNN, TDFinancial and all of the other financial gurus and prognosticators out there, the baby boomer retirees are most financially well-heeled group of seniors to ever hit the retail landscape.
 
So if figure I'm just doing businesses a favour by pointing out the lack of products, services and infrastructure available to the more "mature" shopper and more importantly, the retailers lack of interest in providing those products, services and infrastructure. 

Since we have the time and more importantly, the money, we gainfully unemployed baby boomers are entitled to have the appropriate level of comfort, pampering, and attention lavished on us while those self-same retailers fleece of us of our hard-earned pension cheques!

After all, it's the principle of the thing!
 
Hey, if we play our cards right, we old fogey seniors could be the ones who save brick and mortar establishments!  (Have you ever tried to push a walker around a WayFair or Amazon web site!)

So the next time you feel that your favourite retailer isn't properly courting your money or your newly-exalted lifestyle, find the customer service desk, e-mail the address on the back of the sales receipt, track down the manager, call head office.

Handicapped parking spaces for everyone!!!!

(can you tell I just had a run-in with a smarmy, young un floor manager?)

(moss-covered, three-handled family gredunza - Cat in Hat, Dr. Seuss)

Five years!!!  Whadda Know!

Remember way back when, when you "launched" your career and accompanying five-year plan?

You may not have actually labelled it a "five-year (career) plan"?  It may not even have been a formally acknowledged plan. 

But you had one. We all had one.

You know, that career plan that had you leaping from corporation to corporation, accumulating more and varied skills, knowledge and management know-how. 

The plan where each leap took you higher and higher up the corporate food chain and into the career ionosphere?

Until you eventually reached big-fish status in your own particular small pond of expertise.

I have vague recollections of learning about the concept of the "five year career plan" from a guidance or career counsellor.

Basically, you graduate, get an "entry" level job in your chosen industry and spend five years or so learning the ropes, hopefully discovering that one skill set/area of expertise you truly want to excel in.  Then in every job placement after that (in about five-year increments), you keep honing that skill set until with one final leap, you achieve "big fish" status in some Fortune 500 corporation.

Well, something of that "five-year" mentality must have burrowed itself into my sub-conscious, because as you all know, I never tire of telling anyone who will listen that I began planning retirement five years before I actually, well, retired.

And if I may say so, up until this point, it has been an exquisite retirement plan!

But this past fall and winter, I found myself in somewhat of a funk.*

I was dealing with some personal and family issues, yes, but that really shouldn't have accounted for the two-litre cartons of ice cream and endless hours of afternoon television.

And co-incidentally, November 1st was my five-year retirement anniversary!

And also, co-incidentally, at some point near the bottom of my umpteenth carton of jamoca almond fudge ice cream, I finally found myself asking myself, "so, self, don't you think we should actually do something tomorrow?"

So, I mentally started to review my retirement "to do" list - things I had planned to do, places I had planned to go, skills I wanted to learn, etc, etc., etc.

Basically, I gave my "retirement to do list" an old-fashioned, five-year career review! 

Just like the olden days!  Whadda know!

And the end result of my five-year, retirement career review? 

Well, I admitted to myself that some of the items on my previously, carefully crafted and honed retirement "to do" list, just didn't interest me anymore. 

I looked at other items and wondered to myself  "what the heck was I thinking!"

I realized that some plans had morphed into something else entirely. 

Like "sketching". 

Over the past year or so, I have discovered that I am not an "artist", per say, I am apparently a "cartoonist".  (Aren't all of you in for a surprise!)

And photography.  Well, that got me into bird watching (which no one wants to hear any more about) and exploring all of the park and conservation areas I didn't know even existed.

And journaling.

Well, that has morphed into something so big it's almost out of control!  (Carmela, I can't thank you enough for the leather-bound journal you gave me a my retirement party!)

So ..... the bottom line here. 


I'm beginning to think that just like your original career, your "retirement" career may need a bit of review/reassessment every five years or so! 

You need to drag out that infamous retirement "to do" list and give it a careful and considered once over.

If there is something on the list you're not all that keen on many more - ditch it, (without a shred of guilt).

If you "rediscover" an activity or skill that seems to have gotten lost in the daily shuffle, move it to the top of the list.

If you've stumbled over a new activity that wasn't on your original list - add it and peruse it with a vengeance. 

Retirement isn't really "retirement", it's a career change! 

And like you "career", it needs to be reviewed and perhaps, revised on a regular basis.

So every once in awhile, sit down with a cup of tea and "review" your current retirement career status. 

What's working and what isn't.  What is boring you to tears and what gets you really excited. 

Do you really want to sign up for cooking lessons or would you rather try jewellery making or rock climbing.

Retirement is too short to be bored or couch-bound.  The time is going to come when the decisions that have to be made are much more serious (and life altering) than whether or not you go to the art gallery or the farmer's market.


(In fact, if you are currently looking to make a major retirement/career change, give me a call!  I'm trying to find someone who wants to go axe throwing with me!)


*Funk - (noun) - a dejected mood

....so, about the cardiac testing and prodding that followed this past fall and winter. 

 

Get out your programs!  Here we go!

 

- stress test (approx 4 hours in duration)

- nuclear stress test (about the same, only worse - approx 4 hours in duration)                    
- x-rays (too may to count)

- ECG's (again, more than one.  Maybe even more than two - I lost count.)

- blood tests (many, many vials worth)

- echo cardiogram (actually one of the least-invasive tests I had.)

- cardiac CT scan (another multi-hour procedure that must be against the Geneva Convention)

- about the only procedure I didn't have was an angiogram.

 

... all to tell me my "symptoms" were not cardiac-related.

 

So here I sit, waiting for my next appointment with my family doctor to discuss what the heck the collective "we" do next.

 

But before we leave the issue of my never-to-be-discussed-in-polite-society-again cardiac episodes, one final word of advice.

 

If you are ever sitting in your oh-so-comfy armchair and you begin to feel "unwell" and can't decide whether or not you really want to "inconvenience" the EMT's over what is "probably nothing", or if a cup of tea and a lie down will solve all your problems  .... do what I did -

 

Split the difference and walk yourself into emergency (that ER visit resulted in x-rays, an ECG and a dose of nitro-glycerin, but that is yet another discussion for yet another day.)

 

Trust me on this one.  If you are a woman of a "certain age" and just mention the word "cardiac" - ER staff tend to take you seriously!!

 

 

All the Ladies Out There!

 
This posting is for all the ladies – well, the gentlemen can read on if they feel they must.

Ladies – do you know that a heart attack can present differently in a woman than it does in a man?

Would you recognize any of the atypical symptoms if you saw them?

Would you recognize any of the atypical symptoms if they were happening to you?

To all of the above – my answer is “I do”.*

And have, since my type II diabetes diagnosis (along with my paternal family history) increased my chances of experiencing a cardiac episode - as my family doctor so euphemistically phrased it many years ago.

On the morning of October 23, 2017, while sitting in my very own living room, minding my very own business, I experienced what I am still describing as a large patch of warm pressure on my upper right chest.  Before I could form a coherent thought or begin to mentally assess exactly what was happening to me, the sensation faded.

Only to “reappear” almost immediately on the right side of my neck, and fade away almost as quickly.

I was in my doctor’s office so fast on Monday morning my shadow’s feet never touched the ground.

After assuring me that I had acted correctly by getting into the office as quickly as I did, my doctor ordered a standard stress test – the one where the technician hooks you up to 10 cardiac leads (I peeled exactly 10 cardiac patches off of places on my body that really, only a licensed medial professional should know about) and makes you run on a tread mill that increases in speed and pitch until you either beg for mercy or drop dead from the aforementioned cardiac incident.

I did not drop dead from the aforementioned heart attack, but neither did I pass with flying colours.

Detecting an “anomaly” on my ECG, the cardiologist monitoring the procedure suggested we “step-up” the testing a notch with a “nuclear imaging stress test”. 

Basically, as miserable and tortuous as a regular stress test except you spend a lot of time waiting around for a nuclear isotope to circulate through your blood stream to your heart so an image of the blood flow in your heart, while it is at rest, can be taken. 

Then you wait around some more until it’s time for you to get back onto the tread mill – where the technician hooks you up (again) to 10 cardiac leads and makes you run on a tread mill that increases in speed and pitch.

Only this time you don’t get to beg for mercy.  You have to keep running until your heart rate reaches some pre-determined number known only to the technician and never shared with you.  When that magic heart rate number is reached, then and only then, are you injected with a second dose of nuclear isotope and told to run for another 60 seconds.

As a reward if you survive, you get to wait around some more while the isotope fully circulates through your bloodstream and heart.  Then a second image of your heart, “at work”, is taken.

Oh, and did I mention that in the 24 hours preceding this test, you can’t have any caffeine!  No chocolate chip cookies with afternoon tea, no CoCo Puffs for breakfast, no coffee or tea at all.

Not even de-caffeinated tea or coffee.

So while you’re lying there on the imaging table in your ever so fashionable hospital gown (open in the front so all of the cardiac leads can be attached to your skin ever so easily) wondering if a heart attack would really be worse than a caffeine-withdrawal headache, the CT technician announces she’s just going to check that the image that has just been taken is …. “okay”. 

Since this is supposed to be a family-friendly blog, I cannot tell you exactly what was going through my caffeine-starved brain at the thought that I might have to do the test all over again.

Thankfully, all of my images on this particular day, with this particular test, were “okay” and would be forwarded to the cardiologist who would give me the results in five days or so.

Well, more testing and poking and prodding followed over the fall and winter (I’ll tell you all about it later), but the bottom line – this morning my cardiologist gave me a clean bill of health.

So I am free to resume my regularly scheduled, daily activities!!!

Yeah me!!!

But I’m not posting this in a feeble or transparent attempt to garner sympathy or collective gasps of “oh, my God!”

I am posting this so as to be the subject of gossip!

Gossip about the atypical heart attack symptoms women may experience, about the effects of untreated diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol on the veins and arteries of the heart. 

Gossip about the fact we all really should eat a little better and get a little more exercise.

And if my name should be mentioned, well, what girl doesn’t like a little bit a gossip!

 

 

*WebMD.com - 6 Heart Attack Symptoms Common in Women

 

1)      Chest pain or discomfort – may feel like squeezing or fullness anywhere in the chest.

2)      Pain in arms, back, neck or jaw

3)      Stomach pain

4)      Shortness of breath, nausea or lightheadedness

5)      Sweating – a nervous a cold sweat is common

6)      Fatigue

Spring has sprung, the grass has riz

I wonder where the boidies is!

Well, it's officially spring, the time when a young retiree's fancy turns to ...... field trips!!!! 

It's that time!   Time to start plotting and scheming just how you plan to spend all of those summer, weekday afternoons that are soon going to stretch out before you!

First of all, as part of your overall master plan to overthrow your current social order, you're subscribing to, like, every e-newsletter you can find (aren't you?) 

All of the sports and athletic groups in your hometown.  The library, the community centre, city hall and the historical society.

The conservation authority, local tourism board, festivals, fan clubs and service clubs.

The birds watchers, the star gazers, the stamp collectors and the classic car enthusiasts.

Museums and art galleries and the local arts council.

Second of all .... you're stopping at every brochure rack you pass to paw through all the brochures and flyers looking for information on anything, everything, that catches your fancy. 

And the bulletin board at the library, community centre, grocery store and coffee shop.  Sometimes you find information for the darnedest events posted there!

And if you're lucky enough to live in a town that still publishes a local newspaper, you're scanning the events calendar every week, aren't you?

If not, why not? 

I know spring has only just gotten here.  But blink one too many times, and summer will be upon you before you know it. 

And if you haven't already started to fill in all those little boxes on the calendar you bought at the boxing day sales (you did buy a calendar at the boxing day sales, didn't you?), you're going to end up missing all the fun.

Again.

... the "Quilt and Fibre Festival" and "Blooms Festival" in May, for instance.

"Muskoka Chair Outdoor Art Exhibit" and the "King and Queens of Country" come June.

In July - the "57th Toronto Outdoor Art Exhibition" and the "World Heritage Sunset Ceremony"

And there's the "Teddy Bear Tea" and "Steampunk Festival" in August.

(And Tourism Ontario hasn't even published their 2018 guide yet .... so just image the fun and folly you could be missing!)*

So, hurry up!  Start making reservations, purchasing tickets, downloading google maps, and updating travel documents.

Service the car and pre-pack the truck with all of the picnic and field trip accouterments you own. 

Everything you'll need so you can pick up and leave the house at a moment's notice!

I'll meet you there!



*note to self - bookmark the "Tourism Ontario" web site and pick up a copy of "Festivals and Events Ontario - 2018"

(Kindergarten)