Here’s to the Ladies (and Gentlemen) Who Lunch!

Once you have survived your first few weeks of retirement, out there meeting new people, making new friends, learning something new and exciting …. you are allowed to call your former, non-retired work mates and arrange to meet for lunch.  After all, didn’t everyone at your retirement party make you promise to keep in touch? 

And didn’t you promise that “as long as you weren’t too busy”, that you would?

Another mad retiree tip – don’t burn any bridges at that retirement party or when finally leaving your place of full-time career employment for that last time.  (Especially if you worked in, say an academic department at Ryerson.  Two of the most important things you will need when you retire are (a) human contact and (b) activities and play dates.  And for a little while at least, Ryerson can provide both.  But more about that in a future post.)

Regardless of how well you actually got along with some of your fellow, now, former worker bees, a lunch (or two) with former work mates can help ease you into the loss of structure in your life that retirement brings, while at the same time, helping you to establish a new structure.

Basically lunch with former colleagues gives you the opportunity to write an actual appointment in your day timer.  (The pretty one you bought at the Boxing Day sales …. ?)

And also, for a little while at least, you are a novelty to your department contemporaries – someone who got “out”.    And to the young ones who were invariably hired after you have left, you are a curiosity – some “old” person that used to work there.  So someone will return those initial telephone calls and e-mails and agree to meet you for lunch. 

And lunching with former co-workers will be a novelty for you as well because they will spend the better part of the lunch hour discussing projects you are no longer involved with nor bear any responsibility for – which is a very odd, but strangely satisfying sensation.

And that first (and perhaps only) lunch with former co-workers will actually help give you a sense of closure. 

Your (former) co-workers will be going back to work at the end of the hour …. and you will not. 

And the reason you will not be returning to the office …. you are officially retired.

Be warned, though - your being retired adds a new, tricky dimension to your relationship with your former co-workers … an ongoing employee/retiree relationship may not be sustainable.  “Work friends” may not translate in “friend friends” once you are retired and they are not. 

You will need to prepare yourself for this “loss”.

“People who need People …..!”

As I mentioned in one of my first posts, I had severely underestimated the amount of human contact I required to keep my sanity intact. I am a relatively independent person. I thought I knew how to amuse myself. I have a wide range of interests, I can usually find a book, an exhibit, a community event, a knitting pattern to pique my interest and keep me from the notice of the authorities.

And besides – I had my list. That all important, ubiquitous list.  The List.  The one thing I told you you couldn’t possibly begin retirement without.

That awe-inspiring list that you eventually turned into a full-blown retirement plan.

And if I may say so, my list was a thing of beauty.  It covered everything from the bizarre to the mundane.  From the once-in-a-lifetime to the everyday.  From the esoteric to the ordinary.

Personal growth, artistic design, and architectural grandeur – my list had it all.

In fact, I was relatively confident I would run out of list well before I ran out of retirement.

And then the unthinkable happened.

Reality.

And let me tell you – there is nothing more real than reality.

Very quickly and very soon into retirement, you begin to realise just how much time you did indeed spend in the company of other human beings.  The commuter “gang” you had a passing “hey” relationship with.  The staff at the Tim’s you stopped at every morning who knew your order by heart - just to name a few.

When you actually stop to think about it, full-time career employment puts you in direct, daily contact with a huge number of people every day - day in, day out.

And as much as I hated to admit it, suddenly being without all of that human contact was a surprising and unexpected shock to my system.

So initially, it was beginning to look like I would have to learn to spend time alone.  As I said, I’m a resourceful, independent sort of person.  How difficult was spending some time alone really going to be?

Well, let me tell you – as plans and ideas go, it was not one of my better ones.  No matter how resourceful and independent you think you are, spend too much time alone and that self-same resourcefulness leads you to do stupid things – like shopping for stuff you can’t afford, don’t need, and at the end of the day, don’t even really like or want.  Or even worse, you end up making friends with your refrigerator, couch and TV remote control – in that order. 

So right from the beginning, from that very first day of retirement, you have to start how you mean to go on – regularly getting out of the house for the sole purpose of maintaining human contact!

So a mad retiree tip – you need to have some activity planned, if not for the first day of retirement, at least for some time during your first week or so of retirement.  That activity (a) has to get you out of the house and (b) present you the opportunity to meet and talk to some new people.  And that activity cannot be lunch out with friends or family.

Take a minute, a minimum of six to eight weeks before your actual retirement date, to carefully study your retirement “to do” list.  Find something on that list that piques your interest and that you could actually accomplish without too much time, trouble or paraphernalia.  For example, don’t pick cross country skiing if it’s the middle of July or you haven’t actually purchased the required equipment.  

If the choice from your "to do" list is a “new” activity or interest you are planning to cultivate once officially retired, research the relevant organization and sign up/register for …. whatever it is … before you officially retire.  (Don’t make me tell my bird watching group story again!)

If your choice is an activity or organization in which you already have an interest, all the better.  You already know what goes on in your neighbourhood at two o’clock in the afternoon and who to call to let them know you’re coming!

Basically, you need to set yourself up for retirement success by having a small plan in place that has you out meeting and talking to new people with common interests and goals right from day one! 

... because, to paraphrase Barbra Streisand, people apparently do need people!

**********************************************

Because you haven't got enough people telling you "how" and "what" you should do when you retire ... I've been noticing that the Business section of Monday's issue of the Toronto Star usually has one or two retirement-related articles.  This past Monday (May 5th) there was an article on CPP (Canada Pension Plan) and early retirement.  And my particular favourite was the article on page B5 -"Avoiding spending pitfalls in retirement" - basically, how to avoid turning shopping into a full-time occupation!