Hey lady …. !

 

Do you remember that variety store in the strip mall beside your middle school?  Or just around the corner from your childhood home? 

If you’re as old as I am, you remember when those small, independent variety stores sold wax lips, sticky candy necklaces, and Creamsicles.  And maybe, individual cigarettes, and for sure, fire crackers and fire works for the long weekend in May (remember the burning school house?)

And do you remember standing in front of said variety store with a group of friends waiting for a teenager of shady reputation to come along.  And asking him (always a “him” for some reason) to buy contraband for you and your friends because none of you were old enough to buy it for yourselves?

Well, here’s some irony for you.

You still may not be old enough to buy contraband.

If you manage to take early retirement, like I did, or you’re not quite 65 (or in some cases 60), you don’t qualify as a “senior” and therefore, do not qualify for senior’s discounts!

(I don’t mind the not being a senior bit.  It’s the not getting the discounts bit that has my support hose in a twist!)

You find yourself right back in front of that variety store – in this case, admission booths at trade shows and movie theatres - waiting for a sympathetic, older, retiree to happen by ...

And asking them to buy a senior’s-priced admission for you. 

Well, not really.  I don’t actually cruise the floor of the Direct Energy Centre or the International Centre looking for sympathetic-looking seniors.  (But it’s an amusing thought.  Maybe there’s pocket money to be made in scalping senior’s-priced tickets to events. The next time Tom Jones comes to town ….. )

If I think I can get away with it (particularly if the cashier at the Cineplex theatre looks young and bored enough), I ask outright for a senior’s priced ticket.  The chances are pretty good that she is going to be more interested in her iPhone and flirting with the concession stand hunk than in actually asking to see any proof of age. 

And she probably thinks I look older than her mother anyway.

Or if you are out with friends and one member of the group is 60+, you find yourself asking if they will buy your admission ticket along with theirs.  After all, they’re on a fixed income and a tight budget as well.  So they understand the importance of saving a few dollars whenever possible.  

But ... the most important thing of all that I have learned.  

If you’re lucky enough to be able to afford a restaurant lunch or dinner prior to the movie, keep your mouth shut when the waitress asks - “senior’s discount?”

Just nod.

Actually, the only retailer I have found offering a senior’s discount at age 50 is the Sears store in Dixie Value Mall – and we all know what happened to Sears Canada!

There is something slightly ridiculous and Kafkaesque about being caught up in this “what goes around, comes around – again” scenario.  Old enough to stay up and watch all of the Late Show and the infomercial that follows, but not yet old enough to buy my way into the local Cineplex at the senior’s rate.

I guess it’s high school all over again!  Gonna have to go out and get myself yet another fake ID, just so I can once again “prove” I am older than I really am!